Wow, it's been awhile since I posted here. Sorry about that. However, this entry will answer a bit of the "why," so hopefully all will be forgiven by the time you're done reading. :)
Hope is a funny thing. I don't think we always realize how much we need it until we don't have it. Alternately, we may realize how utterly vital it is when we have it again after a long time without it. I don't mean hope as in wishing ("Gee, I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow"); I mean hope as in firm expectation of something good. A young girl who fills a hope chest expects to need it one day when she marries. As Christians, our hope is in Christ, and God help us all if that is just wishful thinking.
It's been a long road for me personally, feeling both helpless and hopeless, but I am pleased (ecstatic, jubilant, elated, etc.) to say that I now am hoping again. It feels good. I find myself humming and giggling at odd moments, just because it is such a relief to once again be hopeful.
So now for the back story. I haven't actually revealed too much of it to anybody. My husband, my mother, and my sister-in-law were really the only ones privy to the whole scoop. The short version is that health issues were encroaching upon my life. Between frequent migraines, digestive issues, and some severe problems with my menstrual cycle (I definitely won't share details here), I felt lousy much of the time. There were days when I felt "not bad", but I never actually reached the point of feeling good. I missed a lot of activities. I got behind on housework. We got the basics of school done, but not the fun "extras" I wanted to do. For reasons I won't go into, seeing a doctor wasn't an option. As time went on, I not only continued to feel bad physically, but I was also emotionally frustrated, overwhelmed, and depressed.
Life was rough. For a long time. I know other people have far more serious issues, but I definitely was unable to cope with what I had going on.
However, after a fair amount of research and talking with people I trust, I came up with a plan. I will go ahead and give an official disclaimer now: I am not a doctor. I am not a nurse. I am not a medical expert of any description. Do not take the following as any sort of advice or recommendation; it isn't. It is simply my story.
Okay, moving along now. I began taking a battery of supplements recommended for the specific issues I was facing. Obviously, when using supplements rather than conventional medicines, results are not instantaneous. However, I kept up the regimen, and one day last week it happened. God answered the many long months of prayers. I woke up one morning and realized, I feel good! Not just "not bad," not just "okay," but good!
Holy cow. I cannot even put into words how wonderful it was after so long, just to feel good. Overwhelming relief and excitement doesn't even come close to conveying it. It's truly amazing.
I am getting caught up on things that I've fallen behind on. I am tackling that list of goals I made back at the beginning of the year, then ignored because I felt crappy. I am smiling and humming under my breath.
Never take hope for granted. I can testify that it is a powerful thing. I am loving having hope again.