Wednesday, July 31, 2013

amid the stench

Note:  it is not my intent to hurt or blame anyone with this post.  This is simply me working through my own feelings.  

My house smells like peanut butter this week.

If you aren't aware, I loathe peanut butter.  I can't stand the taste.  I despise the gloppy texture.  And I abhor the smell.  

I don't usually keep it on hand.  But the girls have had it elsewhere, and this week they requested peanut butter from the store.  And since it's something of a rarity around here, they have been eating it every day.  Sometimes for more than one meal.

The smell of peanut butter seems to permeate my kitchen.  I think it stinks.

But it fits with this week.

We got heartbreaking news on Sunday.  Our beloved pastor of ten years is leaving.  I don't even have words for what he has meant to our church and to our family.  It's hard, and it hurts, and I have more emotions than I can process.  I cry, and I pray, and I cry some more.  Even just going about normal daily tasks, I have this kind of hollow ache.  

It stinks.  And I hate it.  

But my girls are loving their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and their peanut butter on banana bread breakfasts.  Natalie is a terribly picky eater, but this week she's getting good protein and healthy fats.  So something good is coming out of that wretched smell that lingers in my kitchen.

A core doctrine of biblical Christianity is that God is sovereign.  He is in control.  He gives beauty for ashes, and He works all things together for the good of those who loves Him.  And as Mark Lowry put it, this situation has not shocked Him off His throne.  He is more than capable of working His will through it and bringing something good out of it.  

I am clinging to that right now.  Even as I wrinkle my nose against the stink.  

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